Why are my feelings so BIG? Neurodivergence and Emotional Dysregulation

When you are Autistic/ADHD, feeling overwhelmed can become debilitating…

For many neurodivergent people, emotions aren't just feelings; they're a full-blown sensory experience. Whereas a typical person might experience a roller coaster of emotions, an Autistic or ADHD person experiences an overwhelming physical and emotional crash that can be incapacitating. You might be struggling with judgement from yourself or others if emotional dysregulation has a negative impact on your life.

What is Emotional Dysregulation?

Emotional dysregulation is a difficulty in managing and controlling emotional responses. It's an actual neurological difference that impacts how emotions are processed and expressed. If you have been called too sensitive or told you were overreacting when you were dealing with strong feelings, you were probably emotionally dysregulated. There are different ways that emotional dysregulation is experienced:

• Intense Emotional Reactions: Your feelings can escalate quickly and feel overwhelming.

• Difficulty Identifying and Labeling Emotions: Struggling to pinpoint what you're feeling can lead to confusion and frustration.

• Prolonged Emotional States: It can be hard to move past challenging feelings and find yourself dysregulated for long periods of time.

• Impulsive Reactions: You might react impulsively causing you to say and do things that you later regret.

• Emotional Meltdowns or Shutdowns: Overwhelming emotions can cause you to completely withdraw and affect your ability to communicate.

The Neurodivergent Connection

Neurodivergent brains process sensory information and emotional situations differently. This can contribute to emotional dysregulation in several ways:

• Sensory Overload: Sensory sensitivities can amplify emotional responses. A noisy environment or a scratchy tag can trigger intense anxiety or irritability.

• Executive Function Challenges: Difficulties with executive functions, like impulse control and emotional regulation, are common in ADHD and Autism.

• Communication Differences: Misunderstandings and social challenges can lead to frustration and emotional distress.

• Masking and Camouflaging: The effort to fit in can be emotionally exhausting, leading to emotional burnout and meltdowns.

• Interoception Differences: Interoception is the ability to sense internal bodily signals. If it is hard to detect internal signals, it can be very difficult to understand what emotions are being felt.

Coping Strategies to manage dysregulation

While emotional dysregulation can be challenging, there are strategies that can help:

• Sensory Regulation: Identify sensory triggers and create a sensory-friendly environment. Use tools like noise-canceling headphones, weighted blankets, or fidget toys.

• Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques: Experiment with different calming techniques like breathing, stretching or journaling and find what works best for you. Engaging in these activities can bring you back to the present moment.

• Emotional Labeling: Communication while dysregulated is challenging. Use a feelings chart to help you find the words to express what you are experiencing.

• Developing a "Regulation Toolbox": Build a collection of coping strategies that work for you. This might include deep breathing, physical activity, creative expression, or spending time in nature.

• Establishing Routines and Structure: Predictability can reduce anxiety and stress, making it easier to manage emotions.

• Seeking Professional Support: A therapist specializing in ADHD and Autism can provide personalized strategies and support.

• Self-Compassion: Remember that emotional dysregulation is a neurological difference, not a personal failing. Be kind to yourself and celebrate your strengths.

• Communicate your needs: Let those close to you know what you need when you are feeling overwhelmed.

Embracing Autism and ADHD

Emotional dysregulation is a common experience within the neurodivergent community. By understanding how you experience dysregulation and using effective coping strategies, you can navigate your emotions easier and with self-compassion. Being Autistic and ADHD comes with both challenges and strengths and it’s the recognition of both that can help you accept yourself. It’s important to recognize that feeling deeply is intrinsic to who you are.